Not what we were taught in Sunday school.
For two weeks in May, 2022, I agonized over what direction to pursue in life; whether or not to do The William Tell Show, whether it was what I wanted, or would be good, or “should,” or right. It had already come to me, that this was what I want to do; nonetheless, there were these questions, and I examined them from every possible angle. This excerpt from my diary for 05/12/22 sets forth the conclusion that I came to.
The story of how I got permission to do Mildew; don’t have too much confidence I’ll get this right:
Recall my belief that God’s will inheres in the principles that govern existence, including the laws of physics and the corresponding laws that govern the unseen world; that God’s “plan” is nor more nor less than that people choose whatever they will and meet the results of those choices.
I recalled “The New Persona” (a new and alternative self-concept I first dreamed up, it seems, in November 2015): the material world is as it is, the various objects around me; and there is near-unity probability that the same objects will be in the same places tomorrow as they are today. This gives me a platform upon which I can plan whatever I will, and act on those plans; there is security. At times in the past, I have been terrified about karma: what unforeseen disasters may await me, based on my karma? The answer to that: karma isn’t that much different from the material world that I see; the inertia of those influences is likewise part of the platform upon which I can plan and act. Yes, it’s inevitable that sometime I’ll get knocked down. I can get back up.
Do I have permission to do whatever I want?
On the one hand, yes, in the above scenario. In fact, by virtue of the nitzotz, I am myself a free agent and an agent of the Most High God; God reaching out through me to act in this world. The same is true of every other sentient creature; every bird, every mouse, every bear participates in this expression-of-Godness; whatever will God has, is the common will of all these creatures.
So, on the one hand, this is a new and different image or concept of God.
Do I have permission to do whatever I want?
I have spoken of the energies of self-direction, or direction from within, which generally historically have felt like anger; pertinent is the blog post, “Direction from within.“
Again, do I have permission to do whatever I want?
All my life, till now, the choice of whatever I may want to do has been subject to the judgments of a God-who-is-not-me, as to whether it may be good or evil, right or wrong, or consistent with “God’s will.” The above scenario says there is no such God making such judgments.
I have permission to do whatever I want.
I haven’t yet had opportunity or desire, much, to examine the ramifications of this God-concept.
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