Things you never think about.
The most prominent feature of life for me, this past month, has been that I appear to have developed narcolepsy, also known as “sleeping sickness.”
The Wikipedia article, which is not very well written, says a diagnosis cannot be made until symptoms have persisted for three months. But as to the symptoms it does describe, boy, I’ve sure got ’em.
In severe cases, one may abruptly fall asleep while driving or while at work. Well, as it happens, I neither drive nor work. What does happen: a spell comes over me, of involuntary very slow breathing, consistent with sleep or falling asleep; and that’s when I want to go back to bed. These spells can last 15-20 minutes. I don’t know how long they actually do last, because by the time 20 minutes has passed, I’ve usually already gone back to bed.
Whether during a spell or not, I will have little motivation, little energy, no inclination to write or to ponder ambitions or goals. At of 12/23/23, the podcast due out 12/05/23 has not yet been composed. I admit, though, that that also involves an emotional obstacle.
I spend whole days in bed.
Meanwhile, the apartment becomes more and more of a mess, and chores don’t get done.
The Wikipedia article says thay folks with this problem are prone to have vivid, memorable dreams. Yep, I’ve got ’em, now, whereas I hardly had any during the six months before. It says these folks are prone to begin dreaming very soon after falling asleep — Yep, got that, too. — whereas the normal person doesn’t begin dreaming until 90 minutes after falling asleep.
(Given that, it’s a wonder I ever dream at all. With my BPH, I have to go to the bathroom and do a #1 once an hour, every hour, all night. You can set your watch by it. And it’s not just me. In the dorms at the shelters, I used to meet the same guys entering or leaving the bathroom at the same times as me, all night long.)
The Wikipedia article says the disease is an autoimmune disorder, wherein one’s immune system attacks certain tissues in the hypothalamus that are associated with motivation and “arousal,” which I take to mean excitedness or wakefulness.
At least some autoimmune disorders can come and go, like psoriasis. For several periods, decades ago, I had crippling hives, because I was allergic to my own histamines.
Till now, I have always thought that motivation and energy were “functional,” based in behaviors and choices, rather than “organic,” based in physiology. I need to revise that view.
All this inclines me to be less judgmental toward myself or others who lack the motivation, drive, or energy levels I expect.
Comments