“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” — Psalm 46:1
I am aging much faster than I’d like.Emotionally I could still be a teenager, but physically I’m an age-related shambles.
ADVISORY: This becomes graphic about my medical conditions.
I have Stage 3 kidney failure, along with high blood pressure and diabetes, which may be its causes. There is also a stone in my urinary tract, about a half inch in diameter, which all my doctors (plural) believe is blocking the passage of fluid and causing fluid to back up into my kidneys. At the very least, it’s a question mark. I do not believe as they do; the stone does not bother me in any way; but unless I have some kind of sentimental attachment to the stone, which I don’t, I decided it is just as well to take it out — and remove the question mark.
The stone can’t be pulled out, so the plan became to put me under general anesthesia, go in there with a laser, and break the stone into little pieces that can be removed one way or another. This was scheduled for Friday, April 26. I have had to go through some screening ahead of time to make sure my body can handle the stresses of that procedure. One remaining task, given my COPD, is a chest X-ray.
But things just got more complicated this morning, Tuesday, April 2.
This morning, got a voice mail from my PCP’s office saying my EKG was abnormal, and I need to see a cardiologist before I can have the surgery. I apprehend that (1) this will doom the surgery, and (2) the specific problem come specifically from smoking.
So we have to balance(*) the needs of my heart against the needs of my kidneys.
This is scary.
My deteriorating health is the result of years and years of futile anxiety over things I cannot possibly change. As I said in the introduction to The Way of Peace, “All my life, I have been concerned for people who seemed to me to have a harder lot than they deserved — who were loaded down with heavy burdens. In time, I came to see that I likewise carried needless heavy burdens.” My brothers and cousins are not aging this fast. Will I live long enough to accomplish anything as William Tell, the talk show host?
There’s heart disease on both sides of my family.
Heart disease isn’t a death sentence.
To succeed as a talk show host, you don’t need to not be in a wheelchair. You don’t need to not be on oxygen. My voice is unimpaired; my mind is unimpaired. My language is unimpaired.
My will to love is unimpaired.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
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(*)The Wikipedia article on kidney stones points to many other balances in whether or not a person develops kidney stones: calcium intake vs. sodium intake, oxalate intake, vitamin D intake, the pH of one’s urine (acidity vs. alkalinity) …
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